what what WHAT ?

14 Mar 2011 3 Comments

by RO.x in Uncategorized

buuun. deci asta e un post furat dar ma gandesc ca nu conteaza prea mult atata timp cat ideile puteau la fel de bine sa fie ale mele DAR NU SUNT. sunt o cleptomana  de cuvinte. un hot de idei. un copil al copy-paste-ului. vai de capul meu…ne lamentam alta data…acum sa “ne radem” cu articolul asta din uncyclopedia (pe bune. cautati. orice.) :

Romania is a very beautiful land with many scenic mountains and deep valleys and mighty rivers and vast arid deserts and magical enchanted forests and majestic fjords and dangerous volcanoes and gigantic smoking craters, all of which is covered by a 10000-metre-deep glacier, a slathering of delicious non-dairy whipped cream, and a cherry on top.

The entire area of the country occupies a single tectonic plate, which spins in a counterclockwise direction at a rate of approximately 750 RPM. Because of this, all Rumanian compasses and weather vanes need to be re-calibrated on a regular basis.

Romania is the largest country in Asia and is hailed by many as the greatest African country since Wisconsin moved to South America. Nevertheless, the UNCouncil on Countries that Suck has named Romania the world‘s suckiest country for 10 years running. For all this bloody nonsense, blame Vlad Drakul, an illustrious Rumanian political leader who inexplicably only comes out at night.

Romania shares millions of semi-permeable borders with millions of shattered fragments of the former state of Yugoslavia and the now-splintered Soviet Union, as well as with Pakistan,Uganda, Wisconsin, and several other semi-industrialised countries. Due to a localised distortion in the space-time continuum, central Romania has recently undergone a phase-shift and now serves as a portal to another parallel universe called Evil Disrupter (a cubical manifold of high energy fuelled by roaches and pure human blood [the pure blood is of course a myth as every citizen of Romania has a blood-alcohol level of at least 50%]).

The country is due to join the EU in 2007AC when it will take its rightful and – for the first time – official place as the mosquito of Europe.

skip skip skip.

1. Food: They eat almost everything from twigs and worms to newspapers and Lego toys. If they can’t find anything to eat in the jungle, they turn to the countryside where they hunt for the magnificent, yet dangerous Chupacabra, pushing this wonderful species further down the road to extinction.
2. Sex: They are sexless. They reproduce solely by invoking a committee on this or that problem.
3. Language: How do they talk to each other? Simple! The communist language (also named “the wooden tongue”, since they live in the woods). It’s very simple to learn. You just need to know Rumanian, and add at the end of each word “-oiodo”.

Ex: the national anthem in Communist: Alooiodo. Suntoido euoiodo, unoido haiducoiodo. (Hello! It’s me, the local Robin Hood).

People

In Romania, you can find many orcs and war heroes who will kill you at first sight. Rumanians are still a mystery to scientists, but the following facts are known:

• They have furry, smelly, yet incredibly delicate feet.
• For several years in the late 1960s, they served the Dark Lord Sauron (now known as Lord of the Dance; not to be confused with Saurug or Saruman).
• There is nothing in the world more homosexual than a Rumanian person drunk on ţuică or pig urine, two magical Rumanian potions. Moreover, as the underlying tectonic plate spins at about 750 RPM, Rumanians have an amazing innate sense of balance which will keep them standing upright even when reaching alcohol-induced coma.
• They pray every night to Ceausescu, the Rumanian god.

Manele

Relations

Rumanian mating rituals while playing maneleMP3music are dark and mysterious, probably because there is no electricity in Romania (how can they listen to MP3s without electricity?! Damn, we’re stupid for not finding that out!)

The raising of children in Romania is also a mystery to scientists all over the world. Although we are certain that they do feed their children with breast milk, there is evidence that they also leave their children in the care of wolves or other wild animals, following traditions from their long lost RomanEmpire. Responsible parents will leave their offspring in state-owned orphanages that provide the best upbringing through proper education, a balanced diet and regular physical exercises. As a result, foreigners are bidding fortunes for the chance of adopting these super-children from orphanages.

The Rumanian children that were not so lucky to be admitted in an orphanage are brutal and have a 95% chance of becoming manele singers and performing dark rituals. Until their adulthood they are mostly violent, stupid as Hell, and prone to revelry in mindless parties accompanied by lots of Tzuica, Ursus Beer and manele. They have a habit of making wild sounds inherited from their adoptive animal parents. The wolfman dance is a ritual at every wedding in Transylvania.

If by some mistake the Rumanian children escape the dreaded Manele Virus they are doomed to live dupa blocuri or “in the ‘hood” where they live a life of joy and liberation under the influence of weak narcotics like aurolac.

daaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..astea sunt doar uber-duber-mini fragmente din ce curge pe site-ul ala despre tarisoara asta…ca si despre orice alt subiect, oricat de abstract, de altfel.

linkul e  asta. rejoyce at it, my fellow rats !

poate data viitoare ne vedem cu ceva orginal. stiu stiu. shame on me.

RO.x

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